Values vs. Committed Actions

It's not about where you're going, it's about how you're going

We often confuse values with goals. But understanding the difference between them—and how committed actions bridge the two—can be one of the most powerful shifts in how we live.

Values are not things you achieve. They’re not destinations. You never “arrive” at being kind, curious, responsible, or courageous. These are not endpoints; they are ongoing qualities—ways of being that guide how you show up in the world, again and again. Values don’t exist so you can check them off a list. They are the underlying energy with which you approach everything else.

They describe how you want to live, not what you want to get. They’re about the journey, not the destination. Goals, on the other hand, are outcomes. You either reach them or you don’t. They’re measurable, time-bound, and often out of your full control.

Say your goal is to finish school. That’s a tangible aim. But if you ask, "Why does this matter to me?", you’re already moving into values. For some, finishing school might be about growth. For others, it’s about family, contribution, identity, or proving something to themselves. The same goal, very different values.

Values give goals their meaning. When you lose sight of your values, even achieving a goal can feel empty. But when you're living in alignment with your values—even if you're far from your goal—you may feel more fulfilled. That's because values aren't contingent on success. They are about integrity and presence.

And when life doesn’t go as planned—and let’s be honest, it often doesn’t—your values are what remain. They’re what you can still act on, no matter what.—and let’s be honest, it often doesn’t—your values are what remain. They’re what you can still act on, no matter what.

Marriage Is a Goal. Being Loving Is a Value.

Here’s another example: Getting married is a goal. Being a loving partner is a value. The difference matters. You can tick the box of marriage without embodying love, patience, or care. But you can live out the value of being a loving human even if you never get married at all.

Goals are vulnerable to circumstances. You may not find the right partner. Life might take a turn. But values? They’re always available. You can be loving toward friends, neighbours, strangers, animals, the environment—and yourself.

That’s what makes values empowering. You can live them in every moment, regardless of external outcomes. They give you a sense of coherence—a felt sense that your actions align with the kind of person you want to be.

Let’s look at some quick contrasts:

• Lose 10lbs – goal. Care for your body – value.

• Get a promotion – goal. Grow professionally – value.

• Get married – goal. Love deeply and consistently – value.

• Feel less anxious – emotional goal. Act with courage in the face of anxiety – value.

Steven Hayes once said:

Chosen values are mental kryptonite to meaninglessness.” 

That’s not just poetic. It’s practical. Values help us withstand the chaos of life not by giving us control—but by giving us direction.

So How Do You Know What Your Values Are?

What would your tombstone say?

It’s a question that stops many of us. We want a list. A rulebook. A definitive answer. But values are personal. They’re not assigned—they’re chosen. They're not what you think you should care about. They're what you discover you do care about, when you're honest with yourself and your lived experience.

There’s no master list. No universal answer. It’s like asking what the meaning of life is. Viktor Frankl said it best:

It’s not we who ask life for meaning; it’s life that asks us.

Meaning is not fixed. Values evolve. They shift with time, context, and maturity. What you value at work may not be what you value at home. And that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s coherence.

One useful exercise from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is to imagine your funeral. Not as a morbid fantasy, but as a reflection. What would you hope people say about you? What kind of person were you? What would your closest people remember most about how you lived?

Would they say you were funny? Kind? Bold? Reliable? Did you inspire others? Did you take care of them? These reflections are clues. Not instructions. Not standards. Just signals.

Maybe your tombstone wouldn’t mention your job title at all—but instead, ‘She made people feel seen,’ or ‘He brought calm into chaos.’ That’s a value. That’s a life lived.

Values Are Like a Compass

Values, like a compass, give you a direction, not a destination

Values are like a compass. They don’t promise arrival—they offer direction. You don’t wake up one day and say, “I’m done being honest,” or “I’ve completed kindness.” Just like heading west with a compass, there is no endpoint. There’s only movement. You can always go further.

And because values never expire, they’re always available to you. Even if you’ve failed a hundred times, you can still act in line with them today. This is the quiet power of values—they give you a place to return to, again and again.—they offer direction. If your value is courage, then in any moment you can move in that direction, even if the anxiety hasn’t gone away. If your value is compassion, then no matter the outcome, you can choose to respond with care.

Heading west on a compass doesn’t mean you’ll ever “arrive at west.” You just keep moving that way. The same is true with values. You live them again and again. They don’t end.

Goals, on the other hand, are like milestones on that journey. Sights you hope to see. Mountains you aim to climb. They give focus. They matter. But they don’t define the meaning of the journey. Values do.

Committed Action: Living It Out

So where does committed action come in? Committed action is what you do in real life to move toward your values. Not just in theory. Not just when it’s convenient. But in small, often uncomfortable ways, every day.

It’s brushing your teeth when you value self-care. Saying sorry when you value integrity. Speaking up when you value fairness. These actions are not always easy, and they don’t always feel good. But they bring you into alignment.

And when your committed actions are in line with your values—even if the goals are uncertain—you begin to feel something different. Not happiness, necessarily. But coherence. A sense that your life makes emotional sense. That you’re not drifting. That you’re living on purpose.

That, more than any achievement, is what makes a life feel lived: when your actions reflect your values—not occasionally, not when convenient, but in the quiet moments of daily life.

It’s the difference between wanting to be a present parent and putting your phone down during dinner. Between wanting to grow and showing up for the class you’re terrified to take.

When your committed actions are in line with your values—even if the goals are uncertain—you begin to feel something different. Not happiness, necessarily. But coherence. Meaning. Self-respect.

And that, more than any goal, is what makes a life feel lived.