On people who put others down

An Adlerian Perspective on Insecurity, Superiority, and the Search for Significance

There’s a quiet cruelty that slips into human relationships—not always loud, not always violent—but corrosive. It’s the sideways comment that cuts a little too close. The disapproving glance. The need to remind someone, subtly or overtly, of their place. We see it at school, in boardrooms, on social media. The question is: why?

Why do people put others down?

At first glance, it might look like confidence or dominance. But as Alfred Adler—Austrian psychiatrist and founder of Individual Psychology—suggested, much of what appears as superiority is in fact its opposite: a mask for deep insecurity.

Adler’s theory, although over a century old, has remarkable relevance to the psychological culture wars we find ourselves in today. In his view, every person is fundamentally motivated by a desire for significance—a striving to belong, to matter, to contribute. But when that striving gets distorted, when a person feels inferior or disconnected from others, they may attempt to elevate themselves not by actual growth or contribution, but by diminishing those around them.

The Inferiority Complex: A Universal Starting Point

Adler believed that all humans begin life from a position of inherent inferiority. As children, we are small, dependent, and often overwhelmed by the bigness of the world. This sense of inferiority is not pathological in itself; in fact, it’s what drives us to grow, learn, and overcome. He called this the striving for superiority—a healthy, creative force when it motivates mastery and contribution.

But not everyone finds a constructive path through that inferiority. Some become stuck in it, defining themselves by what they lack rather than what they could become. When this unresolved sense of inadequacy festers, it can lead to what Adler termed an inferiority complex—a state where one feels deeply unworthy and incapable, and overcompensates in destructive ways.

Putting others down, in this view, is not confidence. It is a coping mechanism—a way of saying, “If I can’t rise, then I will pull you down to my level.”

Superiority Complex: The Flip Side of the Same Coin

Often, the people who appear the most arrogant, who dominate others or act as if they are always right, are not expressing true superiority but defending against inner shame. Adler coined the term superiority complex to describe this dynamic: an exaggerated sense of self-worth used to mask a deep internal inferiority.

It’s not uncommon to see this in the school bully, the micromanaging boss, the online troll. But it also shows up in more refined, socially acceptable forms—perfectionism, relentless achievement, intellectual one-upmanship. The form may differ, but the function remains the same: self-protection through comparison and dominance.

What makes Adler’s theory so humane is that he doesn’t condemn this behavior, but rather tries to understand its roots. In his words, “The striving for superiority is the striving for perfection.” The tragedy is not the desire to be better—but the belief that one must be better than others to have worth.

Social Interest: The Antidote to Comparison

Adler placed immense value on Gemeinschaftsgefühl—a term often translated as “social interest” or “community feeling.” At its core, this is the sense of belonging to humanity, of being part of something larger than the self. It is the realization that we are not in competition with others, but in cooperation.

According to Adler, mentally healthy individuals are those who develop a strong social interest. They no longer need to belittle others to feel worthwhile, because they find their significance in contributing to the well-being of others. They are able to stand tall without pushing others down.

This, perhaps, is the ultimate shift: from ego-driven validation to other-oriented contribution.

People who put others down often lack this feeling of connectedness. They see the world as a hierarchy rather than a web of relationships. If someone else is doing well, they feel diminished. If someone else is admired, they feel invisible. In such a worldview, tearing others down becomes a way to reclaim a sense of power.

But in a world governed by social interest, another’s success is not a threat—it’s a shared celebration. Your growth doesn’t diminish me; it inspires me.

How We Can Respond

Understanding Adler’s theory doesn’t just explain why others may put us down—it also challenges us to look inward. Have I ever belittled someone to feel better about myself? Have I found subtle ways to highlight another’s flaws when I was feeling small?

And more importantly: how can I shift from comparison to contribution?

This shift is neither easy nor instant. It requires awareness, humility, and a commitment to growing not above others, but alongside them.

It also requires boundaries. Adler’s framework doesn’t mean tolerating cruelty or excusing it. But it does offer a lens through which we might hold both ourselves and others with a little more compassion. The person who cuts you down may be hurting. That doesn’t make it okay—but it might remind you not to take it personally.

The Bigger Picture

In a world obsessed with ranking—where people measure themselves by likes, followers, resumes, or appearance—Adler’s insights feel radical. They invite us to turn away from the anxious gaze of the mirror and toward a wider horizon of shared purpose.

We don’t need to prove we’re better than others. We need to remember that we’re with others. That we matter—not because we dominate, but because we contribute.

To those who feel small: you don’t need to make others smaller to feel seen. Your worth is not a comparison. It’s in your presence, your participation, your capacity to care.

To those who have been torn down: their voice is not the truth of who you are. They speak not from clarity, but from confusion.

And to all of us: let’s keep choosing courage over cruelty, connection over comparison, contribution over competition.

As Adler once wrote, “The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.” Let’s not play it safe by shrinking others to feel safe ourselves. Let’s rise—together.